Arty sci-fi punks Pocket FishRmen have been at it for 30 years and to celebrate, the Austin foursome have released a 30 track “best of” entitled The Greatest Story Ever Told. Cumming (sic) in two parts with Volume 1 on vinyl and Volume 2 on CD within the gatefold sleeve, if ever there was a band to be awkward, then these Texans fit the bill. To complete the confusion, all of the tracks are re-recordings. I mention arty at the top of the page, but the art I speak of may be limited to drawing cocks on the school blackboard when the teacher isn’t looking.

Musically, Pocket FishRmen are akin to the Southern Californian punk sounds of NOFX’s generation, but I’m pretty sure Fat Mike and the boys didn’t have John Peel championing one of the 45s in 1989. These oddballs had the honour of gracing his “Peelium” with their The Leader is Burning 7”. Pretty cool, huh?

It’s fair to say that Pocket FishRmen like cocks, or to sing about cocks at the very least. They embrace all types of cocks; cocks that work and cocks that don’t. “In the middle of the egg toss, that’s when I tore my dick off” features in the political satire of Go Go Saddam Hussein. It turns out they like cooking their cocks too as they have to “…microwave my dick” on Priapus Power. Don’t let all this cock stuff fool you though as the band also like arses in a Bad News style with, err, Big Ass on Fire. There’s more bottom related tomfoolery on Colonoscopy. Don’t panic, things quickly revert back to the cock on vinyl closer One Blowjob.

As I removed the needle from the wax and inserted Volume 2 via a shiny small disc into one of those new fangled magic music players, the digital display would indicate that there would be another hour of potential cock. Could I deal with much more cock? Thankfully, opener Amy Carter, their debut release from ‘86, is a punk rock beast. Oh, and it turns out that Pocket FishRmen also like apes, whether it be Friendly Chimps or Queen of the Gorillas. They can also turn their hand to more, ahem, tender cuts on David of the Merkin.

If I’ve read things right, it’s not long before we’re back on the cock with Flaccid is the Night. At this point I was all aurally cocked out and went to play with my own cock. These guys must’ve had an effect, eh? It’s a shame I had to shut up the cock shop doors early as Gay Jew Conquistador sounds like a departure, and Big Blue Ball could be all about bollocks and not cocks for all I know.

If Pocket FishRmen were British then The Macc Lads would be too crude and Half Man Half Biscuit too clever. Their humour would lay somewhere in the middle. Actually, scrap that, it’d belong in space with Flesh Gordon. The band like to dress up too; think Dirtbox Disco on a bad day. If The Dickies are your thing then you’ll laugh your cock off at this re-recorded compilation. Another cock? What do you mean I’m not taking this review seriously? Cock! Cock! Cock! Ginge Knievil